My Lifelong Journey to Wellness

Most people would describe me as an extroverted, bubbly individual who lives a healthy and active lifestyle. But if I’m being very honest with you, that is the furthest thing from who I used to be.

I was raised by a single mother in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. Growing up, we didn’t have much. My mom had to work multiple jobs to make ends meet, which meant I was often left to fend for myself. As a result, I developed toxic eating behaviors. My typical breakfast consisted of Costco croissants, muffins, and/or cookies, and McDonald’s and Dairy Queen for dinner. While cookies for breakfast and a McChicken for dinner may sound like every kid's dream, it is not what a growing child should be eating on a daily basis.

I did well in school and always had friends, but because of our financial circumstances, I never really felt like I belonged. Instead of being social, I was a quiet bookworm obsessed with Nancy Drew, watching the world from the comfort of my own home. I felt more connected to the characters in my books than the people in my life and usually chose to spend time indoors alone vs playing outside with friends.

So when you think of the health conscious, nature loving yogi I am now, picture the polar opposite growing up.

Some of my habits began to shift in college. I learned to make smarter choices when it came to food, swapping McChickens for salads. I stopped drinking soda. I began to exercise consistently. However, even though I was eating more vegetables and working out for an hour every day, I was still binge drinking multiple nights a week, staying up late at night to study, and taking poor care of my body and mind. I started to develop insomnia, and for years struggled with brain fog, anger, irritability, and mood swings.

I was an emotional rollercoaster to say the least, and it was often the people closest to me who paid the price.

This pattern of making small positive shifts towards healthier habits while clinging to toxic behaviors continued into my 20’s while living in New York. I fell in love with yoga and boxing, and began to see myself as someone who loved fitness. I started making my own “healthy” lunches to bring to work, and began to see myself as someone who cared about her health. But I continued to drink too much, to slam pizza at 2:00AM, to reach for the bag of chips when I was stressed. Two steps forward, one step back.

And on and on this went. By the time I got to my late 20’s, I was really struggling with my own identity. Who was I? More importantly, who did I want to be? In James Cleary’s Atomic Habits – one of my favorite non-fiction books of all time – he says “it’s hard to change your habits if you never change the underlying beliefs that led to your past behavior. You have a new goal and a new plan, but you haven’t changed who you are."

At this point in my life, I finally accepted that I had deep inner work to do. My toxic behaviors weren’t just negatively impacting me – they were also negatively impacting my friendships with the people I loved. After a very dramatic failed relationship, I knew it was time to change.

I started to drink less. I started to look inward and reflect on my own patterning and behavior. I started to take responsibility for the way I reacted to situations. I stopped ignoring my emotions, and started to work on my communication skills. This period marked the beginning of a new, very important chapter in my mental health journey that would continue to develop over the coming years. I had no way of knowing then how quickly I would begin to evolve as an individual from this point on.

During my graduate program at the London School of Economics, I made the very bold decision to climb Everest Basecamp with some of my new classmates and friends. Up until that point in my life, I was not what you would call outdoorsy. In fact, I had a very deep fear of steep trails and rarely went on hikes. This was going to be the first time I had ever spent more than a few hours on a mountain, which is mind blowing considering how much I love the outdoors now. But because I had slowly built up my physical strength throughout my 20’s, and because I had begun working on my mental well-being, I knew I could handle the trek. So I decided to push myself past my normal comfort zone and do something I would have never dreamed I was capable of.

What I can tell you now is that that 16-day trek truly changed my life. It opened up my world in a way I could have never imagined. The experience showed me that I wasn’t just strong physically – but that I was strong mentally. It showed me that I could do anything I put my mind to, no matter how scary it seemed. For the first time in my life, I felt a true sense of empowerment.

I doubled down on my mental health journey. I went on a 10-day silent Vipassana meditation retreat in Myanmar, which was one of the most difficult and rewarding things I have ever done. I moved to LA and decided to become a certified yoga teacher, even though in my 20’s I couldn’t touch my toes. I decided to enroll in the Institute of Integrated Nutrition to learn more about how food affected my life and body. And I continued to focus more and more on developing habits that enhanced my mood instead of the things that left me feeling drained.

Suddenly, I was seeing rapid changes from all the gradual, small improvements I had spent over a decade making. Another quote I love from Atomic Habits that describes this experience perfectly is “Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement. The same way that money multiplies through compound interest, the effects of your habits multiply as you repeat them. They seem to make little difference on any given day and yet the impact they deliver over the months and years can be enormous.”

Small choices + consistency + time = significant results.

I tell you all this so that you understand that it has taken me years to become the person I am today. Years of small shifts that have slowly changed and shaped my behaviors. I never thought I’d love the outdoors as much as I do. I never thought that I’d develop a passion for health and wellness. And I certainly never, ever thought I’d be someone who enjoyed spending time in the kitchen. But what I realize now is that over time, your identity emerges out of the habits you create.

Although I still have so much work left to do, I am a living example of just how much one person can change. So start small. Don’t try to be a “healthy person” overnight, but start by making small everyday choices that will compound over time. Start by committing to taking a 15 minute walk every day. Start by swapping your afternoon soda for sparkling water. Do not underestimate the power of small everyday shifts. That is how you create true lasting change in your life – by committing to one small thing at a time.